Time for self-care. And moving forward.
Up to the last moment before the election, I was optimistic. I was confident that people were going to show up and vote, if not for Kamala Harris, then at least against the other guy. Perhaps some of you were less surprised by the outcome, but regardless, all of our emotions have been running wild since the morning of November 6. We are scared for our country, we are outraged, we feel betrayed. We are all searching for solid ground. How are you doing?
These are hard times! It is taking a lot of energy to ground ourselves. Sometimes I’m flying ninety miles per hour, clear in my purpose and adamant in my determination, but I can not rally that energy at will. It is not always there when I want it. Exhaustion comes out of nowhere - along with an attack of powerlessness - and drains the fight out of me. I feel confused, even though I am not. I am disoriented, even though I know where I stand. All I can do is stop and wait for clarity to re-emerge. Which it does, but on its own schedule. Then I’m back in the fight again.
How can we heal?
When bad things happen in life, our tendency is to stop, put our lives on hold, and turn towards healing. It’s instinctual, healthy, and necessary. That is what we want to do now, but it’s complicated. What we know:
We will never again be the same as we were before, but the new versions of us will be stronger and wiser.
We shall train our eyes on the prize, making it our North Star, although we have no scientific calculations to tell us how far away it is or when we will get there.
We are not alone. We will gather strength from one another through an unshakeable solidarity.
And heal we will. Together. Somehow we will make it through.
It is easier to heal when the ‘bad thing’ is just one thing, when it is behind us, and not also in front of us. We do not have that luxury. The daily piling on of new threats to our country’s well-being keeps us off balance and vulnerable to every new insult. And insults they are - each day the news seems to mock us for believing in the ideals of our country.
This week the Republicans in the North Carolina legislature passed an unconstitutional power grab to weaken our newly elected Democratic Governor and Attorney General. The goal is to set themselves up for taking even more power in future elections. The news infuriated me. Another cornerstone of democracy was being ripped away. The news disturbed my sleep the night I heard about it. The next day I was calm again. I moved on to face the day in front of me.
Each time democracy comes under renewed attack, we need to remember that the Republican plan is to throw us into despair. Their aim is to foster powerlessness and helplessness in those who oppose them. If we succumb, we are doing their work for them. Every day I coach myself anew to remember this and to tap into our collective power to resist. In this way, my healing continues.
Healing requires self-care on a daily basis. I constantly remind, encourage, even admonish people to take care of themselves. In every interaction with friends and fellow activists, I feel similar warm wishes wash over me. But what does self-care look like?
Does self-care look like rest?
Absolutely! We are worn out from the stressful (and busy) months leading up to the election, and we are already exhausted in anticipation of the future. As the new administration assembles its team, we are getting glimpses of what Project 2025 could look like if it succeeds. What we see saps our energy.
We want rest and we want ease, but it is hard to relax and ease is elusive. Even when we turn away from the news, we know it continues to churn. Rest takes effort, as inside-out as that sounds.
We must be intentional about resting. I like to sink into the comforting experience of one breath in, one breath out. Or turn to someone I care about for reassurance that we still have each other. You will find your own ways to rest. Rest makes all else possible. The path ahead is long, and we need all the energy we can get.
Does self-care look like distraction?
Well, yes, but do not get carried away! Distraction is vital, but it comes with a warning. Do not get lost in distraction that doesn’t make you feel alive or add meaning to your life.
Distraction gives our spirits a break. We set aside our worries for a short while. Distraction is good for dispelling nervous energy, too. What better way to handle paralyzing anxiety than to relieve some of it? It feels good, and we rest better.
The important question is how to tell the difference between hiding your head in the sand and simply enjoying the pleasures of life? Pleasure is a good thing. We need to have fun, be lighthearted, and enjoy books, music, theater, and art that move us. We need to stay physically active, pick up that neglected hobby, and spend time outdoors. Isn’t that what we wish for everyone? Isn’t the opportunity to experience pleasure what we are fighting for? There is no reason to take pleasure out of our lives. In fact, I am trying to put more of it back in my schedule. Pleasure makes us fully alive, and aliveness is a precious gift.
Of course, meaning does not come from pleasure alone, but when you find yourself seeking distraction, notice how you feel afterwards. If distraction does not restore your energy for taking on life’s challenges, watch out! If distraction leaves you as depleted as you were beforehand, watch out!
Excessive distraction and avoidance of news can backfire. You can not divorce the world and still feel whole. In the end, if you do not exercise your muscles to resist and persist, you will feel more despairing and powerless, and more afraid. When we get depressed, when we become fatalistic, when cynicism seeps into our thinking, watch out! Ongoing withdrawal will reinforce the feeling that there is no place for you in the world. Be careful with distraction. It’s tricky!
Does self-care look like total retreat from the political world?
Absolutely not!
What’s happening around us is a part of our lives. When we ban politics from our lives, we end up exiling ourselves. And besides, government actions are not so far from our front door. If we do not pay attention, politics will blindside us, catching us off guard and knocking us over while our defenses are on vacation. Ongoing withdrawal from the news leaves us psychologically and emotionally unprepared for the future. This is not a great formula for life.
James Baldwin spoke about escape in a 1970 interview:
Interviewer: “Why didn’t you want to get away somewhere and sit down and write your books? Why don’t you want to do that?”
Baldwin: “Because I’m better than that.”
Interviewer: “But you don’t have to be better than that.”
Baldwin: “Oh, I do.”
James Baldwin had to be ‘better than that,’ because there was no other way for a Black man to live. There was no escaping being a Black man. And for us, too, escape is not an option. There is no escaping being an American or taking responsibility for what happens in our country. Not if we seek to live free of fear and despair.
Full catastrophe living - what does a meaningful and engaged life look like?
The film Zorba the Greek brought the phrase ‘full catastrophe living’ into our vocabularies. The main characters asserts, “Life is trouble. Only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and look for trouble.” Good trouble of course! How to live that way now? How to take action?
New ways of taking action are emerging. There is more to come, but here is the beginning of our to-do list. There is more I could add (and will), but in a nutshell, we must become boosters for democracy and we must become the opposition against fascism! This is where many of us are focusing now:
To pressure and support President Biden and the Democrats in Congress to MAGA-proof as much as possible. We are making calls and sending emails (better than petitions!) to have as many judicial and regulatory positions filled as possible. We are aiming to have the ERA finalized (it’s about time!). We are pressuring any recalcitrant Democrats to vote against bills that will hand over power to the executive branch. We made a difference in the House on HR 9495 even though the Republicans had enough votes to pass it, and we will try to defeat it in the Senate. Small steps, but important!
To oppose dangerous appointments made by the Trump administration: We need to call on our elected officials in the U.S. House and Senate to be a loud and unwavering voice for the resistance. Right now it’s about the President-Elect’s extreme and unqualified Cabinet picks. As the new administration rolls out names, a seemingly coordinated effort of pro-democracy activists is sending out frequent ‘calls to action.’ Multiple, if not daily calls to our Representatives and Senators are warranted. Matt Gaetz is gone, but many more will need to go!
To oppose bills in Congress that undermine democracy and stifle opposition. We got our first taste this week when the House passed HB 9495, giving the Treasury Department unchecked power to designate nonprofits as terrorist organizations and strip them of their nonprofit status. Although we couldn’t win this one, we made a difference by helping unify the Democrats. On the second vote, only 15 of the 52 Democrats who voted for HB 9495 voted for it the second time. Pressure from telephone calls changed the positions of 37 Democrats.
To oppose threats to democracy at the state and local level. The threats are most noticeable in red and purple states, but no place is immune. In the battleground state of North Carolina, the legislature has until the end of the year to use/abuse its supermajority. Wherever you live, pay attention to what is happening in local and state government. Advocacy has never been so urgent.
To protect the vulnerable. We are preparing to prevent as much harm as we can to those who are the targets of Project 2025: immigrants, women, trans and other LGBTQ folk, Blacks, Muslim, and on and on. Empathy and compassion are the fuel for this kind of activism.
This is where we stand at the moment. Starting to heal, taking care of ourselves, and moving our whole movement into synchronous action. We are deciding where to invest our efforts. We are also looking for ‘our people’ in the communities we live and setting ourselves up to be informed about when and where and how to take action. Finding the small ways to fight back as we flex our muscles and prepare for the larger, longer journey ahead of us.
I’ll end with an excerpt from my Inbox, this in an email today from Nahed Elraye, the Development Manager of UNWRA USA. He recalls his mother’s words to him years ago when he asked her, “What do you do when the world is losing its light?”
“Find a dark corner—and light it up instead.”
Imagine… if each of us brings light to all those corners.
Thanks, Marilyn.
Beautiful and helpful. Be the light. Balance self care and action. Thank you 🙏🏼